Help for Husbands and Dads: Valentines Day


Husbands and Dads…whether we’re good at it or not, Valentines Day is approaching. And as we’re keenly aware, with it comes expectations and desires, unique and very important to the lady (and if you have a daughter, ladies) in your life.

Rather than dreading the occasion, how about starting things off this week with a few simple, quick ways to show her that she matters? From start to finish this will take no more than 10 minutes to put together and will help turn Valentines Day into Valentines Week.

One all-encompassing qualifier: In no way am I suggesting that I’m the poster-child of Valentines virtue. As my wife will testify, my past experience over the years of our marriage has been a mixed bag. But I think I’m moving in the right direction. Here’s what I’ve learned (and am still learning) – a little forethought, a little planning, and some simple actions can go a long way to validate her and speak in a language she quickly understands. So forget your track record. Begin again. Right now.

Here’s how to get started:

The idea: We’re going to utilize your smartphone text messages to send a short, daily note (7 total) to your wife/daughter at the same time, every day.

What you’ll need: Your smartphone – if you have an iPhone, you’ll need to download an app that allows you to schedule text messages to be sent in the future. Here’s a link with a bunch of possible iOS apps – If you use an Android phone (like me), the capability to schedule text messages is possibly already a default feature – If not, here’s a link with some Android app choices-

What to do: Open up your text messaging program (or the text messaging app you’ve installed), and start a new message.

  • Select your wife/daughter as the recipient.
  • Copy, paste and then personalize, one of the messages below into the body of the text message.
  • Assuming for a moment you’re starting this today (i.e. on Monday before Valentines Day on Sunday), schedule the message to be sent later today at a particular time (doesn’t matter what time, just a time you know she’ll likely see it not long after it arrives).
  • Once the message has been scheduled, repeat this process for Day #2 – Day #7 (Valentines Day), scheduling each daily note to be sent at the same time as your Day #1 message. After two or three days of receiving these notes, your wife/daughter will start to look forward to that time (you’re giving her a gift of anticipation…very important).

And, that’s it. Now enjoy watching her enjoy getting them each day!

Ideas for what to write and why each is important (put them in any order you want – there are seven messages listed, one for every day, Monday-Sunday (Valentines Day):

What you think about things, matters to me. I love you.

Just like us, women want to know that their ideas and opinions about things matter. This message helps validate them and let’s them know that their viewpoint and thinking matters to the ones closest to them.

You’re beautiful. I love you.

A woman also wants to know that her husband finds her (and especially if you’ve been married a while, still finds her) attractive, inside and out. Notice that this message is intentionally left open-ended. Instead of focusing on just external or internal beauty, it lets her know that you consider all of her, beautiful. Bodies change, emotions can go up and down, but letting her know through it all that beauty remains…well, that’s a big deal.

When we got married, I couldn’t have known what a great mother you are. I do now. I love you.

This message intentionally mentions something you’ve learned about her since you married her, and that it’s something you love about her. It affirms that you’re paying attention and that you notice the many things about her that are revealed only after single life is in the rear view mirror.

I like when you _______________. It’s cute. I love you.

This is some action your wife does (i.e. facial expression, laugh, etc.) that is unique to her that you both likely laugh or smile about and enjoy. This lets her know she is unique and set apart in a good way from everybody else.

I really, really like you. (and a I love you)

This example is some short phase that has sentimental meaning specific to you and your wife. My wife and I used to say the above phrase (“I really, really like you”) in college when we were dating, because we both were trying to be careful about saying “love” until we were pretty sure we were moving toward marriage. It became absurd-sounding after a while because of all the “really, really, really…” that was included, but to this day, we laugh when we remember it. This is important because again, it speaks to something that is unique to your relationship alone.

Remember our first and return trip to _______________? So glad we could experience it together. I love you.

This message is about a shared experience/destination you and your wife have had. This is important because it speaks to the fact of you not only enjoying her as a person, but that you enjoy being with her – quality time. Again, an important need for many women.

When we got married, I said “forever.” I still mean that. I love you.

It’s been my experience that one of a woman’s primary desires is to feel securely loved by her loved ones. This message reaffirms a life-long commitment to always love her and give her priority in your life.

Some final reminders:

  • Notice, every message ends the same – “I love you.” We must always, always remember this fact – a woman cannot be told too much how much she is loved. Ever.
  • And Dads, personalize and send similar messages to your daughter(s). Not only will you be filling their love tank, you’ll be setting an example of how a man should treat a woman…a valuable lesson for a few years down the road when “he” enters the picture.


They’re the most important people in our world. This week (and every week) let’s demonstrate it.

Happy Valentines Week!

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